Dad - 10 years gone
Ten year anniversary of Dad's death today. Just the same as an other day but I have been dreading this day and wondering what it would hold for me for a long time. I awoke from a dream about Dad, not the emotional and saddening dreams I've had before, but a simple conversation about my plans for the future. I don't feel sad or angry, rather, I feel at peace with him being gone. First time in ten years I have stopped fighting the reality of his death. It simply is. I will always love him and miss him and yearn for his advice but I accept the only place I will be able to see him is in my mind's eye and the only place I will be able to converse with him is in my mind's voice. This may not sound like a major milestone but it is.
At a time when I want my father's advice more than anything I stumbled across a quote in the journals of Jack Kerouac:
The most beautiful idea on the face of the earth is the idea the child has that his father knows everything, knows what should be done at all times and how one should live always.
- The Windblown World: The Journals Of Jack Kerouac 1947-1954by Jack Kerouac
I decided to open my copy of the Tao Te Ching to a random page, this is the page to which I turned:
Empty you mind of all thoughts.
Let your heart be at peace.
Watch the eternal turmoil of beings,
but contemplate their return.
Each separate being in the universe
returns to the common source.
Returning to the source is serenity.
- Tao Te Ching
Posts
2 comments:
There are several doors in front of us at all the times.
You have choosed the one,and entered the door for ten years.
Set yourself free.
Was beautiful and sad reading your comments about your dad...glad it's become lighter for you, ness
Post a Comment